A little truth about the flippin' "Flip" shows

For awhile there, I was recording and watching all the reality shows having to do with hunting for antiques, or finding treasures at flea markets, or redoing flea market finds. Then, you get a little bored with it. I'm down to just Antiques Roadshow, and the new Flea Market Flip (from HGTV), even though both are a little unrealistic.

The two guys who drive around in their van looking for crusty, rusty bits? Eh. Kind of the same story everywhere they go. An old guy who's been collecting for a century has a hoarder's barn (or five) full of stuff, and can hardly let anything go. The guys pass up all kinds of goodies to buy a vintage bike frame that's buried in mud. (Sad part is, when the old guy goes, his kids will probably sell it all for nothing, or take it to the dump.)

The "designers" who buy things at a flea market, then try to resell at auction (and almost always end up losing money)? Not so brilliant.

The midwest girl who puts on estate sales and gleans a few pieces for her own shop? Nap time.

And then there's that group of crazy idiots in LA who run around and buy the contents of abandoned storage lockers for $2,600... after only a 10-second cursory look from the doorway. Whaaat?

Here's part of the problem I have with these shows (and a lot of the "reality" home improvement shows): the reality is unrealistic. If anyone is actually trying to make a living on flipping these items, they're leaving out the most important part: the costs are a lot higher than they appear.

The two guys never mention how much they have to pay for gas (there's a lot of driving involved, sometimes across many states). Then there's overnight stays and meals, rent on their shop at home, salary for their assistant, utilities, costs to repair or refurbish some the stuff they find... oh, and how about salaries for themselves? Now it's not looking so good.

There's a similar problem with Flea Market Flip (although I know it's more of a fantasy game than reality). The contestants get to go to a great little regional flea market (say in upstate New York or rural Connecticut) where prices are very good. People are offloading stuff and sometimes they just give it away. I want to go there!! The "flip" teams receive $500 each and a list of three themes they have to address with their finds. The idea is to find items to repurpose or fix up in some way (not just buy and sell as is). They get one day (and a roomful of tools and products and most importantly, experts) to reinvent their finds.

Then they're off to the Brooklyn Flea Market (another place I'd love to visit!), where even though the vibe is funky, people are willing to pay high prices. It is New York, after all. Mostly the fixed-up pieces seem to sell at a profit. But here's what's missing from the equation:

• Travel expenses to go to the smaller, regional flea market. Gas, meals, overnight, etc. etc.
• Travel expenses to go to the Brooklyn flea. Gas, parking, overnight, plus transporting big pieces there, and flea market vendor fees.
• Supplies, parts, and most of all labor required to get those pieces into sellable shape. 

For instance, in one episode, a team bought a classic 1890's fainting couch and reupholstered it in a bright apple green fabric. The upholstery guy did it for them (and did a wonderful job, too). No mention was made of what you'd normally have to pay for a complete reupholstery on a piece that size, nor the seven or so yards of fabric that were likely $50 or more per yard. I'm thinking you'd be lucky to have it done for about $800-$900. They bought the chaise for $175 or so (a good price) and sold it for $250 or so (don't quite remember). So really, they lost money. A lot of money.

Another team bought a traffic light and turned it into a bench. Brilliant! I actually liked this piece a lot, even if I probably wouldn't want it for our house. They flipped it so the lights faced up, added a frame to raise it to bench height, then laid a piece of thick plexi over the top to make a bench seat. That all involved woodworkers, wood, plexi (surprisingly expensive) and not a little talent at engineering this thing. Fun for them to have all these resources on hand, but so unrealistic if you were really in the business of buying and selling.

And then there was the train wreck of an attempt to make a bar piece out of a lovely old workbench. They found the wood workbench in fairly good shape. It wouldn't have taken much to fix it up and present it as a bar (great repurposing idea!), but for some reason they were into this "garish = funk" thing, like it was some cool new gypsy look. What did they do to that wonderful old piece? Découpaged every inch of it with torn-up chunks of horrible old wallpaper so that it was like this crazy quilt on steroids. They were going for garish, and they got it. I'm sure buyers were wondering how much it would cost to strip all that crap off... Wish I had a photo, but couldn't find a one.